Ed McMahon would hand Carson a series of envelopes containing questions, said to have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnallsporch since noon today.. Q: Describe Raymond Burr's undershorts. Johnny Carson Carnak The Magnificent One Liners, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Justin Bieber, & Dick Cheney Form Secret Super He-Man Poker Club, A List of 10 Little Known Facts About David Letterman, ABC Sends "Charlie's Angels" To That Big Cancelled TV Show Studio In The Sky, Joan Rivers on the 'Tonight Show': "I still got a chance! The Answer: NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, PBS, FOX News and a Crowbar. Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. A: Baja. Q: What does a stupid altar boy do? The Question: Because she is so old, what does Nancy Pelosis breath smell like? A: The four musketeers. Dressed as Hamlet while reciting lines from the play, Carson continually broke character to promote new products. So I created my own character, CLARNAC the Magnificent and created my own material as a tribute and for my own amusement. I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office? Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs' "Mr. However, it was his allusion to the old college cheer that gained him the loudest and longest laugh of the night. which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. The character would emerge from behind the show's curtain accompanied by Indian music, and make his way towards the desk, where he would invariably stumble on the step in front of the desk and lose his balance. Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man have when he sleeps? May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. A: Ninety-nine and nine-tenths. The Answer: No more years! A: The eye of a frog, the wing of a fly and the throat of a The Tonight Show: four-digit numbers (ostensibly the last four digits of an audience member's phone number).Carson Carnac the Magnificent: Carson plays a psychic . A: Bedbug. https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. A: Buddy Holly. A: Kaleidoscope. One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." May your first born male child be trapped in a steam room with the VillagePeople. During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. Q: What does Zsa Zsa Gabor call the center of a church? A: "Leave it to Beaver." Sometimes Clarnac has to leave quickly. 596 views, 2 upvotes, 1 comment. Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his The Question: What was the third grade to Jackson councilman Kenny Stokes? dickory? "Some sad news from Australia.the inventor of the boomerang grenadedied today. 99 $28.11 $28.11. Q: Name an address Anita Bryant will never have. Commissary. If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember "Carnac the Magnificent", a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. , The Question: What do you call a Methodist who is not afraid of water? hair". . Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. They've been kept in 5 results for "carnac the magnificent" RESULTS. I unfortunately have not kept up with this particularfield, so can enlighten you no further.--, Craig Werner !philabs!aecom!werner "Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. The Question: How much did Clarnac lose on his 30 day diet? A: Pussy Willow. A: Short eyes. The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? A: The 11th Hour. , The Question: What do you call pedestrians trying to cross I-220? Q: What do you call a military coup led by General A: Plumber's helper. car? Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? car industry. The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. . Q: What does your skalli do when it's happy? "Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their ownpockets. ED: And now I hold in my hand the last envelope. Line: 315 Here are a few of his curses: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister. , What do diapers and politicians have in common? Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. Thanksgiving? Q. doctors. , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? The reason for this is because when the Messiah comes the world will go back to its perfected state the way things were before the Primordial Sin so all the curses will have to be reverted and the world brought back to normal. Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/index.php Q: What's the major cause of divorce? One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign As a child of four can QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? Q: What does an alligator get on welfare? This was to some degree a variation on Steve Allen's recurring "The Question Man" sketch. Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to . A: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. A: An emerald, a screwdriver, and Chuck Barris. A: Green thumb. On one occasion frequently rebroadcast on anniversary shows, Carson's desk was replaced with a lightweight balsa-wood version; this allowed Carson to trip and smash through it. CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. A: The diamond lane. Line: 479 What do you look for when you're tracking three whackas? (Crowd cheers) #10. A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. Longtime sidekick Ed McMahon ritualistically and bombastically introduced the Carnac routines. (In one episode, technicians rigged Carsons desk to fall apart when Carnac fell into it. Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? A: All the President's men. A: The Sugarland Express. Talk show legend JOHNNY CARSON had already spent 16 years playing the comically clairvoyant Carnac the Magnificent when this photo was snapped in 1980. Page, Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page. Carnac the Magnificent: [Holding the envelope to his head] Shogun. The Question: Name three things in New York that may run forever. Return to Political Humor "Knickerbocker"Q. Q: Where is the American dollar headed? Explore and share the best Johnny Carson Carnac GIFs and most popular animated GIFs here on GIPHY. plunger. The Question: Name five things Dolly Partin has. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop! A: Black and white and twenty feet tall. Share. A: Pat and Debby Boone. Size: One SizeColor: Jumbo Gold/Purple Verified Purchase. , The Question: What is the leading cause of divorce? May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. The Question: How did the dinosaurs become extinct? Zippo? Function: require_once. A little hard to keep on. Saint Sophia Cathedral is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of the most significant landmarks of Kiev, Ukraine. No one knows the contents of ), These comedic missteps were an indication of Carnacs true prescient abilities. Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party? Our Story; Our Chefs CARNAC: May the winds of the Sahara blow a desert scorpion ft. coverage regular price $109.95 Calendar & Tip Sheet January Calendar January Tipsheet Marty's Acre Drinks on the Acre February 13 - 5:30 PM The 2nd Monday of every month we invite you to join us on location at Marty's Acre to talk gardening and enjoy a selection of brew chosen by Marty. . A: Over 15 billion served. Screenkey. CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your No more years! The Question: Name one person bitten by a shark, one person swallowed by big fish, and one person shot by a seal (a Navy Seal). The Question: Whats the difference between a dollar bill and LeBron James? In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips. Function: view, Recurring character on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose, "Ed McMahon,'Tonight Show' Stalwart, Dies", "STERNAC THE IMPROBABLE RETURNS WITH ANSWERS ABOUT NASCAR, GAMESTOP, AND JASON KAPLAN'S DIET", Here's Johnny: Magic Moments from the Tonight Show, Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Carnac_the_Magnificent&oldid=1065449461. So we see that as we get closer and closer to the Messianic Era when the world will go back to a perfected state, curses are reverting all around us just as the Vilna Gaon predicted. May there be more than one of you to bear the mountain of misery and griefI wish upon you. Q: What do you get from eating in the NBC Commissary? Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? A: Lady-in-waiting. A: Eleven. They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. A: David Frost. CARNAC: May the swami of Bagdad squat on your fez. May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? The character was taken from Steve Allens essentially identical Answer Man segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host ofThe Tonight Showin the 1950s. Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? 4.0 out of 5 stars Great for Carnac The Magnificent. Carson Caucas 1984. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. The Question: What would be an adequate chant at Democrat rallies for 2022? Find Funny GIFs, Cute GIFs, Reaction GIFs and more. , The Question: What is the oath of office for all politicians? Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . How to Curse in Yiddish} by Joe Singer.Some of my favorites: May you sweat in labor a hundred and sixty years, then give birth to anice turle-hedgehog-porcupine. May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. A: Kaiser wrap. A: The American condor, the American eagle and the American Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? Q: Name two movies and a suppository. Get Image May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. The segment included several running gags. Get Image May your prize bull hate cows. hope chest. , The Question: What new rap tune has replaced Hail to the Chief as the presidents walk-up song? Q: What do CIA agents have to remember to go to the It was named in honor of the ancient Hagia Sophia in Constantinople and played a crucial role . Actually, I have to admit reading it in the book "Superman: Last Son ofKrypton" (which is [very] loosely based on the movie) in which Lex Luthor(responding to the question "You told me your second favorite pastime.What's first?") Make your own images with our Meme Generator or Animated GIF Maker. Mouse over chart for play descriptions. , The Question: Why didnt Mrs. Franklin have any kids? "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". A: A man with a mistress and a Russian Olympics judge. Of course, Carson touched on those two particular topics during his routine. May your mother-in-law not have to be carried to your funeral. A: Hog jowls, chitlins, black-eyed peas, cornpone, hush (crowd cheers). And on this particular night, Carson performed his "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch. Return to Humor Page "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. , The Question: What were the names of the two turkeys the president pardoned for Thanksgiving? Q: What's the best thing to do if you swallow a hand [9], File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php Q: Describe Mrs. Stillman on a bus that doesn't make rest Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? Q: What do you say when calling your quat? Here's how it played out on air. 42 results for "carnac hat" RESULTS. A: Fondue. Key'n'Stroke. . Carnac the Magnificent: Three Dog Night & Mount Baldy on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show Johnny Carson 772K subscribers Subscribe 5.9K 1.1M views 11 years ago Watch Carson episodes every night on. A: Mount Baldy. , The Question: What is the most compelling reason for a mask mandate? A: Unleash. A: Putting on the dog. CRITIC "When I look at one of your paintings I stand and wonder" ARTIST "How I do it?" CRITIC "No; why you do it." You can always tell the English, You can always tell the Dutch, You can always . A: Snap, crackle, pop. "Answer: Donald, Benji, and Alexis CarringtonRips open envelopeQuestion: Name a duck, mutt, and a ****.Karnak foresees the answer -- "Bobby Orr, Bobby Hull, Ed Sullivan. Discover and Share the best GIFs on Tenor. A: Bi-focal. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. Line: 478 Q: What's an Orange County toothpaste? (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. Line: 107 . Another ancient Biblical curse that seems to have reverted back to normal is Noahs curse of his son Ham that his descendants (who lived in Africa) shall be slaves to the descendants of Shem and Japheth (who lived in Europe and Asia) - see Genesis 9:25 as slavery in the modern area has been virtually abolished, and even racial discrimination has been greatly diminished thanks to the Civil Rights movement. Pat McCormickwrote some of the zaniest Carnac material. eyes? Disclaimer: If the University finds out what I'm doing, they probably couldn't care less. the memoirs of Richard Nixon. Maybe someday we'll have a cannonical list.-- Al Schwartz Pacesetter Systems, Inc., Sylmar, CAUUCP: {ttidca|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|quad1|nrcvax|bellcore|logico}!psivax!alARPA: ttidca!psivax!a@rand-unix.arpa. May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bed pan. (the question), Sherman LangSystems Design Engineering "May you have an interesting life! [3][4] As a more serious device, the concept had served as the basis for several game shows including the CBS Television Quiz, That's the Question and the still-running Jeopardy!, which aired on NBC for much of Carson's run on Tonight. A: Last Tango in Paris. (Joke only good for Central Mississippi folks). May all your fine teeth get mad and bite off your nose.May you own a hotel with a thousand rooms and you be found dead in each one.May you have many daughters, who all marry [some sort you generically don't like]. After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. The Question Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes., McMahon would always announce near the end, I hold in my hand thelastenvelope, at which the audience would applaud wildly, prompting Carnac to pronounce a comedic curse on the audience, such as May a flock of wild geese leave a deposit on your breakfast!, May your sister elope with a camel!, May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister, or the most famous: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!. Q: What would you keep if you had to choose between sex and NO ONE [at this shout, Carnac always acts startled] knows the contents of these envelopes but you, in your mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers having never before heard the questions. Ed: Often times, thats exactly what Clarnac gets. NO ONE! , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? share. McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". Feel free to laugh, but beware! Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. grenade? Of course, our good friend the Serpent is still crawling around on his belly just as he was cursed to do (see Genesis 3:14), and thats not going to change anytime soon. . A: Grape Nuts. The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. The Answer: Noah Daniels and Little Mort. Carpenter During Sweeps 1984. ", "It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God--but to create him.". A: Ultra-conservative. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. The Answer: Kids, drunk people and tight yoga pants. A: General Curtis LeMay, the Red Baron and Carnac. 5.0 out of 5 stars 2. , The Question: Whats the name of Madonnas latest hit single? A: 2001. Ed: Welcome, welcome, a thousand welcomes. In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. A: Burn the candle at both ends. Q: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off? The Question: Name 8 things that will soften your brain. Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. Q: What does the Jolly Green Giant use to hitchike with? A: Zippo Marx. One was a bottle with a message in it that read, "Help! Browse more quotes by famous person's name. Today, that number is 1 in nearly 50,000 in many Western countries! Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. 2004 upper deck baseball cards. The best alternative is Screenkey, which is both free and Open Source.Other great apps like Carnac are Key'n'Stroke , KeyCastr, KeyPress OSD and Mousepos. The Question: What did comedian Richard Pryor do when his nose got too fat from snorting cocaine? a #2 mayonnaise this year? The Answer: Become a professional politician. bathroom? A: Quarter Pounder. (Wait for it! CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your Q: Describe Mick Jagger's nose. former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump, The Official, Unofficial Hinds Baseball Hall of Fame, Follow Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke on WordPress.com. Q: Who's the new traffic advisor to Los Angeles? when is a felony traffic stop done; saskatchewan ghost towns near saskatoon; affitti brevi periodi napoli vomero; general motors intrinsic value; nah shon hyland house fire A: Stick 'em up! ED: Certainly worth waiting for Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . The Question: Who can steal more money than a thousand men with guns and masks? One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. A: "I never promised you a rose garden." KeyCastr. Carnac the Magnificent : [opens envelope and reads] "Name two movies and the Los Angeles Rams fight song." Johnny Carson : Back in New Jersey, two thousand pounds of human hair, it was gonna be made into wigs, fell off a truck in New Jersey and blocked the highway. The Temple was destroyed, and Israel was left with neither kings nor kingdom. QUESTION: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. Q: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga? Q: What should you answer to everything George Foreman . There are more than 10 alternatives to Carnac for Mac, Windows, Linux and Xfce. Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? A: Jaques Cousteau. ", Conan O'Brien's Forehead Takes Over for Jay Leno's Chin. CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only The Question: What do you call a cocktail made up of prune juice and Milk of Magnesia? A: "The Dumplings." Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The Question: Name an elephant, a donkey, and a Rino. Are you sure you want to cancel your membership with us? Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent" joke? A: Supervisor. CARNAC: May your desert pension fund be managed by Jimmy The perfect Carnac The Magnificent Johnny Carson The Tonight Show Animated GIF for your conversation. A: "Here's Boomer." (Crowd applauds) #10. BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. A: Beethoven's Fifth. Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. A: Double hernia. One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." Q: What looks delicious, quivers all over and can't talk? Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. Description. The "Carnac the Magnificent" segments were always good for laughs, from the moment "Carnac" entered the studio and walked off in the wrong direction, then corrected himself only to trip on the step at the edge of the set at the beginning of every segment. Clarnac: This crowd was applaud for a train wreck. The Answer: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and two Golden Globes. She was cursed to have pain during pregnancy, childbirth, and raising the children (see Genesis 3:16), yet the pains of pregnancy and childbearing have been significantly eased in our times thanks to modern medicine and inventions like the epidural anesthetic. , The Question: Whats the only way to get your spouse to listen to you? Q: Where will the president of NBC be working soon? Q: What made Ludwig blind as well as deaf? Q: What is a drink made with soy sauce and prune juice? A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. Ed McMahon was a huge part of the bit. Q: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory lets have a big round of applause for Clarnac the Magnificent. , The Question: What do you call 435 House members and 100 Senators at the bottom of the ocean. Q: What will be written on the Happy Hooker's tombstone? Carnac the Magnificent was one of the highlights of the Johnny Carson Show. Pretending to psychically concentrate, Carnac periodically asked for "complete silence" from the audience, and McMahon would retort that he often got it.[6]. A: Damnation Alley. My favorite Carnac(sp?) In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. Q: How do you say "Good morning" to your diddly Q: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants? Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays? Curses, Curses, Curses .