I dont know where you got your looks, but I hope you kept the receipt. However, you can check out some of our ideas if you want to shake things up and change how you respond to how are you?. Funny Answers to "Why Are You Still Single?" Because no one worthy has beaten me yet in a card fight! You're the reason God created the middle finger. As Head Of Content Operations, Harini sets the tone and editorial direction for StyleCraze to deliver engaging, interesting, and authentic content revolving around women's health, wellness, and beauty. 29. For instance, a friend will be amused when you sarcastically reply, Not today, Satan! However, I need to take you back about 12 years to answer that question. 31. Brian OldWolf (author) from Troon on July 30, 2020: Yes, this is a very witty, funny article. I have found that people in a coma find it very difficult to hold a phone, turn it on, look at their messages, think of a reply, and then type out their reply. How do you get it to curl out of your nostrils like that? Im too fine for the ugly, yet too ugly for the fine. Average, I think, that sounds about right. funny response to are you still alive. I'm afraid I can't do that. It does seem like a massive gap doesnt it? 5. Hopefully, not as good as I will ever be. You a cop? 58. Maybe the reply is just taking a long time to come back. 39. Every civilisation has its genesis and its conclusion. Before you complain about anything, be thankful for your life and the things that are still going well.". You win the internet. The living are getting rarer. Eugene Lonesco (playwright), Dying is easy; its living that scares me to death. Annie Lennox (musician), If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button. Sam Levenson (humorist), Ive looked that old scoundrel death in the eyes many times but this time I think he has me on the ropes. Douglas MacArthur (general), Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up. Wilson Mizner (playwright), The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades, especially if your teammates are bad guessers. Demetri Martin (comedian), I intend to live forever or die trying. Groucho Marx (comedian), Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it. William Somerset Maugham (author), The art of dying graciously is nowhere advertised in spite of the fact that its market potential is great. Milton Mayer (author), At my age, I do what Mark Twain did. You are about as interesting as a documentary on dirt. She works with her clients to help them evolve in their problem areas and find new meaning in their lives, thus finding the best versions of themselves. Thinking of you not existing makes me want to masturbate. Who knows, they might just do it. There is no gray area (<brain matter joke): either you are brain-dead or you are not. Death is inevitablesome might even say it is a terminal inconvenience or a reason to suddenly stop sinning. 48. Check out: Image credits Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash. 4. How did you get here? Well, I have to go to work so Ill try and make the best of it. Through humorous musings about Scalia's . These comebacks are best for those situations where you dont just want to insult someoneyou want to own the room. Impressive! Edgar A Shoaff (author), "Death is a very narrow theme, but it reaches a wide audience." By acting as though they are replying too fast, you highlight the fact that they are replying too slow. Nice and dandy, like cotton candy. Its more likely that theyre just being a bad friend. Is It A Bad Idea To Lose My Virginity To An Old Crush? No, keep talking. Why do you ask? The next time the cat gets your tongue, heres a big list of good, witty, nasty, funny sarcastic and clever comebacks for every conversation, no matter where you are! 2. If this is the person youre talking to, just insure them that you are aware they are not away from their phone. Finnish with this conversation! Liked what you just read? 3. parkerbilly 3 yr. ago. Opposites attract, right? You'll be asked how you are almost every single day, which is why you should add some humor to your answers. It lets him know that you love spending time together. I havent met the right one yet. . Playful and sassy dig, then blocked. 82. Your email address will not be published. Im quite certain that Im single because I didnt forward those chain messages stating: forward this to 10 people and you will meet the love of your life in 10 days, or else you suffer bad luck in the past. The way youre acting vs reality creates a juxtaposition that highlights their slowness. 66. Hi! Whilst university does present some challenges, it does not mean you need to take several days to reply to a message.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[120,600],'grammarhow_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_16',108,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[120,600],'grammarhow_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_17',108,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-108{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:15px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:15px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:600px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. Because it sounds like some kind of automated message. #fyp #basketball #viral #fyp #viralvideo #funny #comedy". It doesn't mean that you don't actually take showers. If you were twice as smart as you are now, youd be stupid. If you are, then maybe were meant to be! Its good to see youre not letting education get in the way of your ignorance. I'm used to it, anyway. 22. You just live. Cant complainI have tried, but no one listens. Im still trying to figure out an answer to that question if Im honest. Alright so far, but there is plenty of time for things to get bad. My psychiatrist says that I shouldnt discuss it with strangers. Whether its the Roman empire or feudal society. My bed only has enough room for me and my dog. Thats because I get about as much attention as a white crayon. 27. You don't need to miss them, because you are willing to travel to them, and kiss them. When you're mad, but don't want to ruin your impression, this is a nice way to reply to your crush or match. Because a single-storey is much more economical than a double-storey. 83. Dont get caught with nothing to say. Thats because the person I like doesnt like me back. Nevertheless, life must go on, and sometimes you just have to go with the flow, as they sayeven if you don't want to discuss your relationship status! Everyone has a different sense of humor. Maybe they had a giant project at work and lost contact with all their friends and loved ones. If ignorance barrel prices go up, I want drilling rights to his head. 25. can be tackled in some really interesting ways. 35. My lawyer told me not to answer that question. Because your ass is out of this world! "It's your ego that wants to lash out," Winter tells Bustle. Not everybody may appreciate them. Dont let your mind wander. Socrates (philosopher), "The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated." The music billboard charts got it wrong! Is everything stable at your end? I thought I had the flu, but then I realized your face makes me sick to my stomach. Your response should depend on the rapport you share with the sender. If your crush asks you how you are, you might as well be honest. 93. Taco Tuesday is pressure enough, I tell you! You grow on peoplebut then again, so does cancer. This is another funny response that you can use to say that you did a little something different this morning. I've Tried, but No One Listens, If I Was Any Better, Vitamins Would Be Taking Me, Better than I Was a Minute Ago, Because You're Here, Okay, Because My Name Wasn't in Today's Obituaries. I hear good things; however, you should never listen to rumors. Too early to say, it hasnt finished yet. However, I dont recall anything about morons. I dont feel that great, but look! 43. It's best to say when you're in a horrible situation, like in a class you can't stand. As anyone who knows anything about human biology will know, when a woman misses her period, that is a sign she is pregnant.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,100],'grammarhow_com-box-3','ezslot_13',105,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-box-3-0'); Therefore, if she were to rely on your messages for her period, she would be pregnant by now. Because my milkshake doesnt bring boys to the yard. My blood pressure this is an all-time classic, not the best but had to be said. Read about the differences between burning alive, staying alive and being dead or alive as we explore the many ways of keeping ourselves in the land of the living. No one loves superheroes. Its because I always show up on dates with bottles of wine for myself. No, not really. For more information, please see our There are nosy people everywhere! Alexa's response: No, that's not true. Unlikely, but worth a shot. Are you asking just to make yourself feel better? Be grateful if it happens in that order. David Gerrold (author), Self-decapitation is an extremely difficult, not to say dangerous, thing to attempt. WS Gilbert (dramatist), I bequeath my entire estate to my wife on the condition that she marries again. They might even steal it to use in the future. IDK, pick your favorite fictional player. Firing back with something a little funny or witty will make them take notice! What a miracle. 87. Someone took their costume way too seriously. Today, well look at 30 ways you can respond to a late message or reply. Physically? Now you can be! Make sure the person you say this to is able to take a joke. But, compared to messaging, pigeons are much slower. 3. I always yawn when Im interested. In such a case, if you are unavailable to communicate with new clients right away, you can use auto responses instead. 3 I'm Just Wondering How You Are How dare you assume such a thing just a confusing remark. Happy, and I know it. Privacy Policy. Like seriously, you hoped for him to be run over by a truck or something. It may come across as insensitive, but that's just how our current world works. You can put your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass at the same time! Just standing here waiting for stupid questions I guess. Call the police." 13 Quora User It takes a specific kind of person to ghost someone its really not that hard to send a quick Im not interested text but rest assured, they exist. (This is an awesome response if you want to fluster them and catch them off-guard) So much better now that you are with me. 77. This means that when they get super excited, it can cause their heart to beat too fast, which causes death. "Fine" is a boring conversation-killer. Canva. I really thought you already knew. 12. You don't need to say it. As a result, they were so fixated on thinking about you, they forgot to reply to you. What could go wrong? (Act suspicious of everything and everyone!). There is not always a need to be so funny, witty, or clever. How are you? could be much more than a basic question, but we tend to stick to the same old, half-hearted responses. Let's face itat my age, I'm very pleased to be anywhere." George Burns (comedian) "The trouble with quotes about death is that 99.9% of them are made by people who are still alive." Joshua Burns. Funny Response to "What Are You Doing?" "I cry." Humor is about creating surprises. Usually, people live and learn. 14. How impressive! Humans are very complex creatures, but we're also creatures of habit who say one thing when we mean another. Use them as you see fit when someone pokes their nose on your relationship status. I dont chase them just to satisfy my sexual desires. She is a Certified Emotional Intelligence Practitioner from The Priority Academy and has over 17 years of experience in content writing and editing for online media. I think I am doing alright. So the next time someone asks you why you're still. 33 very creative insults to intellectually insult someone with your sarcasm, How to be a fun texter and make anyone laugh while reading your texts. Sort of. Come on, now I want you to whisper that question slowly to my ear. Then they throw dirt in your face. Hanging on. To answer those who know you and the situation you're going through, use these replies. Not sure why you're asking me my age. Going strong. Your lips are moving, but all I hear is blah, blah, blah.. Sometimes, being emotional stops us from replying to the messages of others. In fact, theyre taking too much of it. 39 Heartfelt Poems For Your Mom On Her Birthday, Mom And Daughter Relationship: Everything You Need To Know, 150 Special Ways To Wish Your Long-Distance Girlfriend On Her Birthday, 39 Long-Distance Love Letters To Show Your Love For Him, 51 Good Morning Messages For Her In A Long-Distance Relationship, 24 Beautiful And Touching Poems For People In Long-Distance Relationships, 15 Most Important Things In A Relationship, 61 Great Long-Distance Friendship Quotes And Sayings, 9 Important Qualities Of A Healthy And Happy Relationship. If they insist that they are bad at replying, you should unfollow them, because you are bad at following people who are bad at replying. Ever wanted to be the wise-ass who always has a comeback for everything? Do you have a minute? Voice command: Alexa, define rock paper scissors lizard Spock. Maybe you can Google it. I wrote him a cheque for it, post-dated of course. Chic Murray (comedian), When I die, I hope to go to heaven, whatever the hell that is. Ayn Rand (author), The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesnt get worse every time congress meets. Will Rogers (actor), "My grandmother was a very tough woman. Sarcastic Captions for Instagram. As unlikely as this is, it might be wise to double-check. I'm happy! There are many other euphemisms you could use, though: Still ticking. Wait, are you my Superman/Wonder Woman? 80. Do you like nature, despite what it did to you? This might be okay if they take up to 24 hours, but not more than that. Thats because my husband/wife wont let me date. Arthur lived a short life, but none could doubt that it was a good one. Your attempt at social interaction to be polite is hereby acknowledged. 35 Amazing And Funny 70th Birthday Ideas T 35 Amazing And Funny 70th Birthday Ideas To Make It Memorable, 101 Cool And Different Ways To Say Hello And Greet People, 101 Cute And Adorable Responses To "I Love You", Funny Jokes To Tell Your Friends And Make Them Laugh, Interesting Speed Dating Questions To Ask Him Or Her, 101 Questions To Ask Your Crush To Know Them Better, 350 Truth Or Dare Questions To Have Fun At The Next Party. Checklists & Reminders! "Tony, I'm here to be for you what someone once was for me. So, how does average sound? Some of the best, wittiest, and most humorous quotations in the English language are quotations about age, childhood, adolescence, middle age, and old age most of all, about growing old! 100. My bad, its just your mouth. But, you should know that, I don't like you, already. Hopefully, youll stay there. Perfect for that BRB, shower text that they never BRBd to. You sure have a bodacious rackfor a guy. 17. Good luck feel free to drop me a comment below if you have any funny responses I should add to the list, and do let me know if you get any memorable responses back. Tell her that you're there for her to make her laugh, if she needs some company. Alternatively, you can let them know you are doing well but still need time to process your emotions. 71. Better than most, but maybe not as well as others. It is a basic courtesy that when one of your leads converts to a paying customer, you demonstrate your gratitude and make their transfer as smooth as possible. [Read: How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room]. You are shocked by his/her response, and you respond angrily "but what about me?". April 6, 2018 There's nothing funny about being in a courtroom. but it's just so blunt and funny. Im not single. Voice command: Alexa, open the pod bay doors. I'm alive, whoa! June 14, 2022; pros and cons of stem cell therapy for knees . Because apparently, you need to go outside and talk to people to date. Talk is cheapbut then again, so are you. 19. Id love to give you a nasty look, but it appears you already have one. Here are some funny, witty, snarky, smart, and sarcastic responses to some of those annoying everyday questions its hard to avoid: I couldnt possibly cover all of the annoying everyday questions that are probably chipping away at you, but here are some of the most popular: Related 26+ Funny Responses to Being Asked on a Date (Replying Yes or No), Related 29+ Funny Responses to Compliments. 350 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic. I dont think youre an idiot but whats my opinion compared to countless others? 6. Save the high-quality PDF version on your device now. What should I doI like you too much. 3. Keep talking. Sarcastic comebacks come in handy any time someone is behaving in a particularly annoying way. Thats no excuse for treating someone like they dont exist, especially since 85% of participants said theyd rather be told upfront that someones not feeling it. Nasty comebacks dont require a lot of wit; instead, these will land your target flat on their back and wallowing in self pity. 2. Also you texted very late; I would think one of my friends were joking or drunk since it's near Halloween. Youre not really expecting them to write you an essay. Maybe because I lick my plate clean after having a scrumptious meal. 55. Steven Wright (comedian), "What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death." Not bad. 52. Siri, why am I still single? Another common excuse that younger people tend to give when they take a long time to reply is Ive been busy with uni. Definitely will catch your casual convo counterpart off guard and will probably bring a chuckle. Im in a relationship with myself. If you are in a coma, then that is a valid excuse for not texting back. You go first, lets see if mine was better or worse. Who knows, maybe you can steer a conversation in a more intriguing path. Discover what these funny, yet morbid, jokes about burial and death have in common in this hilarious piece about "Alive Jokes". Ive never seen such a small mind inside such a large head before. Boom. Giving witty and interesting responses instead of the generic Im fine is often the smartest way to kickstart a nice conversation after the greeting How Are You?. Sure, we all have things to do, but when someone takes two days to reply, that is a sign that they are the problem. Let me introduce you to a man who wrote a comeback so good, he instantly won a date. The only thing offending me right now is your face. Choose one of these responses to inject some life into your monotonous chats. I dont blame you, Ive had it up to my neck with annoying, repetitive, shallow everyday questions and I often respond with something funny, silly, or sarcastic to make it known. Learn more about us here. You do the work of three men: Larry, Moe, and Curly. . Just so you know, I value me time over we time. Im glad that I sleep so peacefully, knowing that Im single and aint nobody cheating on me tonight. If they are not going to reply, perhaps the archaeologists who discover their phone will. Do you want the short or the detailed version? I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if Im not there, I carry on as usual. Patrick Moore (astronomer), He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death. HH Munro (author), My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldnt wish to meet. Perhaps it will encourage them to respond quicker in the future. Financially? Nikhil Saluja, "Immortality . "You know I can do this anytime.". WHY!? Its a before picture in one of those plastic surgery magazines, isnt it? Damn, now why didnt you think of it earlier?! And maybe thats the reason why theyre taking so long to reply. "If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.". The best I can be. But still, some people will try to satisfy their curiosity and meddle with your personal life. Stellar, great, fantastic but dead inside. If you're friendly and check in with each other here and there, reply but keep the conversation short. 2 I'm Still on the Right Side of the Grass As long as you're still breathing, you can use this reply. Socioeconomically? Check out the following infographic for some practical tips to maintain a conversation and take it forward.SaveIllustration: StyleCraze Design Team. I had been dead for billions of years before I was born and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience. Mark Twain (author), Im not afraid to die, I just dont want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen (comedian), The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. Dave Barry (author), Always go to other peoples funerals, otherwise they wont come to yours. Yogi Berra (baseball player), Im very pleased to be here. Most of the time, that is not true. Is that a scar on your face? 54. 61. I'm alive! Not me, Im pretty depressed but thanks for asking. No one will expect to hear it, so you'll be catching your friends off guard. The answer to this question has become so generic it feels like there is an auto-complete machine in our heads! Lets just say if I was a Pokmon, my ability would be Oblivious., Listen, that feeling we call love is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. Plotting how Im going to take over the world. I am feeling so good that I have to sit on my hands to stop myself from clapping. Keep calm and be awesome. "Accept the facts for what they are, and be grateful you're not being strung along or played.". Image: wikimedia commons 6. Youre not going to use the same response to your dad as you would your best friend, right? The foundation of any effort to get your ex boyfriend back starts and ends with the no contact rule - which means you probably shouldn't be texting with him in the first place. Use sarcasm to let them know that you do not approve. It would be great if puppies would stay puppies forever. Here are some of the most humorous replies to "How are you? I repeat I am plural! Truth is, we all have ugly experiences with our past lovers. Here, there are hilarious replies, witty comebacks, flirty responses, and many other answers to this question. [Read: 20 things you MUST know to master a dry sense of humor]. Whatever your thoughts on death may be, I hope you enjoy these random humorous quotes about mortality, death, and dying. Thats why Im rooting for your penis. Im telling you, the trash gets taken out more than me. Hey, whered you get that nose? We cant always get what we want now, can we? If they take several days to talk to you again, thats a sign that either they dont want to talk to you, or, they were so dirty that its taken them that song to shower. Chuck Bass? Take Your Time. 2. I just adore my own company. Just look what happened there! "Hey You, I'm really good. Pick your struggle. This one is good. I only went to the gym four times instead of my usual five." Sarcastic response: "Yeah totally. This one is a bit depressing, which is why you should watch when you use it. 9. I and others have experienced, on several occasions, that your breath. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Acting like a prick doesnt make yours grow bigger. Hopefully he'll compliment you right back. Over The Phone or On The Phone Which is Correct?