Apparently not him, because the LW never says he ordered her to abort. Ill never in a million years get it. No worries. Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill.. That isnt the case. Please. I really only mean exactly what I said. You dont ask women to have abortions unless youre scum. In fact, step aside from the situation (my advice to you). We've joined the BHM Digital family of websites and have updated our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Please do better. I dont think Ive ever seen you swear on here before! Yes everyone went bonkers. And we dont really know that she actually said shes on the pill or if she is indeed really pregnant or if the lw truly wants him to go off and marry the other woman. We only have sex if were ready to be a father? All rights reserved. 4. SweetsAndBeats He says he cant stand her? I just think its extremely scumbag-ish to want nothing to do with your child, no matter how it was conceived. Furthermore, dont tell me what to do with my body and I wont tell you what to do with yours, little girl. People are calling the LW scum because hes willing to abandon a child he helped create. Okay so what if the LW is not pro choice. any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion- Yes, that is terrible of the man in question. To be fair, the pregnant woman could be an idiot too but the only info we have about her is that she participated in sex with the LWs bf after knowing him a short time, says she was on birth control and is now pregnant and planning to raise the child. If he decides to abandon his child, he is. Doesnt interest me. If someone ahead of you slams on their brakes because they want to read a billboard and you hit them, Id guess youd be not be upset, because its your fault and youre aware that cars ahead of you can stop at any point. People are calling the LW names (harsh names to be sure) based on the way she is reacting in this letter. People have told me-on the "adult" forums-that I speak aggressively", but I don't mean it that way. If a woman gets pregnant from a quick, meaningless relationship and tells the father that shes expecting, and the father wants desperately to keep the baby, what do we call the woman who aborts the child anyways? The dream is a signal for your quest for power. Seriously this is skeeving me out. The point is that no one cares about your guesswork, sunshine. Apparently, the belief is that no one should ever have sex unless they intend to have a child with the person and are sure that it is a good idea. April 9, 2012, 3:42 pm. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. At the time, he said he would wait years for me - until he could be with me. Well, its possible that he didnt know her at all, but then after coitus he began to get to know her and things went downhill from there. We remained friends with Benefits for months because I wanted too and he said with or without sex, he doesn't want to lose this friendship but I wanted the sex lol I . If youre going to have casual sex, there are some things you can leave to the goodwill of others and some where youve gotta be a little bit proactive. They talk, hed says hed rather not have a kid and would like her to get an abortion. Im PRETTY sure you only included this to make yourself sound like a selfless person. His response to my comment was all dont tell me what to do with my body. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms. But even though I led you to believe I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to have the baby anyway and thereby obligate you to two decades of support.. Im not arguing that he should be able to force an abortion. April 10, 2012, 10:41 am. Your 40-year-old ex-boyfriend sounds like an immature, irresponsible, whiney person. Now hes going to have to deal with it, even if he wants nothing to do with the childhis wallet will. Where does the stork fit in? A month after we broke up, she started a new guy. A kid is not a building. Sigh. 17. April 10, 2012, 11:41 am. Reading your letter, you sound really immature and not ready to be kn a relationship with a man that has a child. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that.. I accept that its the law, just like its the law that you basically have to get raped by an ultrasound device in Texas in order to get an abortion. This is not true, and I say this because a (male) friend of mine went through this a few years ago. And Im not sure what his being 40 years old has to do with her getting an abortion. Another thing that happened in my friends case is that at the same time that they signed things to waive his parental rights, the mother had the child adopted by her fiance and then her fiances name was put on the birth certificate from the get go (though, this was all done behind my friends back and that part was done without his consent, nor was even discussed). female When they were last together, he cheated on her many times and got another girl pregnant. April 10, 2012, 6:34 pm. That isnt the case. Id argue the country is not any better off for it, either. landygirl lets_be_honest This guy isnt worth anyones time. That is pretty much it. Men dont pay child support during gestation only when there is an actually living child is in the world that has physical needs. April 10, 2012, 6:08 pm. 4. Id drop this guy in a heartbeat. That is called deception. But what can I do? However, sure, something unexpected and life-altering happened to him, and hes upset, so surely hes an idiot. It doesnt involve any weird semi-involvement; but rather a clean break for the child and a chance to build a happy, loving life with a set of great parents. By your logic, its just as much the waiters fault for not making sure the kitchen used different gloves when she didnt bother to tell him just how severe her allergy was. April 9, 2012, 6:47 pm. I could hypothesize all day and comment on all kinds of things that might be happening but theres enough crap in this letter that it hardly seems necessary to make any up. So again I think you are making it seem like he treated her like a human being, and talked about this rationally, but really, he was pissed at her for having his baby, threw some money at her, and told her to never come back again. I speak "strongly" sometimes beca. April 10, 2012, 6:58 pm. I just found out 4 days ago that my ex got a girl pregnant. The only one who we know is expecting him to be a father is the letter writer. In a feature I call Your Turn, in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, Im presenting the following letter without commentary from me: I told him to stay with her and have this family as I dont want to be any cause for them breaking up, but he told me there was no way he was staying with her because he cant stand her. Bottom line. John Rohan Couples break up for many reasons. Thats certainly the type of person you want as your husband. By having sex you are saying that the woman might get pregnant and you are willing to deal with it if that is the case. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. And as far as that man saying that he wants nothing to do with the woman or THE BABY shame on him. If the woman is not required to support a child Its her body, there is a million reasons she might choose to have this child, even if she never so much as speaks to your prince again. Always follow your gut and your instincts. honeybeenicki Life had another plan, and be glad you get to see who he is and how you dodged the bullet. April 10, 2012, 7:00 pm, If you dont want to potentially end up with a kid with a woman you cant stand, dont have sex with her.. Your welcome. Having placement, on the other hand, does, and what Im saying is that when it comes down to where are the kids going to stay, in situations where everything else is equal, the default position is still with the mother in most courts, with the fathers visitation dependent on how close to equal the two parents are. Move on already, LW. These two ideas cannot be simultaneously true. Hes so full of sh*t, I bet his eyes are brown. And the world goes round. Then the unlikely happens. Yeah, I believe that means he must be., I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating.. =), lets_be_honest She gets to decide whether she keeps the baby or not. And the LW is making it seem as if her poor bf did nothing. Change the subject and attack is not debate and makes you look pathetic. So, therefore, Im not so sure what you are finding so hard to get over about him, and why do you let him keep coming back into your life? April 10, 2012, 10:14 pm, if a man has sex with a woman, they should be prepared to pay dearly for it for the rest of their lives. Regret can feel even worse than heartbreak. Oh I agree that its a bad idea, but still a choice to be made individually. People surely arent calling him scum for not taking responsibility, because hes apparently going to provide support. Both parties should be concerned about birth control. I simply had to chime in here as this is what I do for a living and so many people are sadly misinformed. When we got back together we had a lot of trust issues and found it hard to forgive one another. Paraphrased of course. Now imagine a bunch of people calling you a scumbag for having the temerity to be angry at your friend, arguing that the situation is of your own making since you should have known this was a possibility when you lent out the car. I do think that in their blind rage, some of the commenters have backed themselves into the position that men become the property of any woman they sleep with, as well as their exs. Well be together forever no matter what. is thrown around just to get in some dumb girls pants just as often as I wont get pregnant. is thrown around to trap ignorant dumbasses. Here 13 common reasons guys start missing and try to go back to their ex. I must respectfully disagree with you. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke landygirl. You want some advice? I agree with a lot of what you have been saying, but he clearly states he will be a deadbeat father to the child in question from what the LW states which is the main reason for his villification. Susie is pregnant with Jimmys child. Is it Dear Wendy gender wars with the emotional females leaping to conclusions and bullying the open minded fair males who dare to object to name-calling and double standards? Because women are always unfairly saddled with the burden of child birth, we will always be the ones who make the choices about whats going on in our own bodies. If women insist on compelling child support from the man, then dont whine if society insists that women support the child until birth. But you know what? It really doesnt help the LW at all and doesnt belong here but here we go. A pregnancy, especially an unplanned one with no real relationship behind it is not a reason to stay together. Dude, thats seriously out of line. Like I said, step back and evaluate this situation as if you were an outsider. I dont knowMaybe Im looking at this from the perspective of being an adopted child or having witnessed a friends situation, but I dont think this guy is the worlds worst person like everyone else (but hes still an asshole). Stop being a whiny spectator in your own life. Email usyour questions for Dr. Sherry now and be sure to include Ask Dr. Sherry in the subject line.
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