Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? The Blonde Fighter Pilot Co-Pilot: What?!. She also liked her scotch. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. [Answered]. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. I just put them all together for your amusement. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Did you make it all by yourself? Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. . I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. You had tents?, USAF: Birds 35. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). The Best Short Military Jokes 1. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Did it work? Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. 44. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. A LOOtenant! (pointing at the sky). What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! . He nodded. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. Then one day I couldnt find it. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Caller: Do you have his right number? I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. Why Do We Celebrate It? What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? 16. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. So I quit ordering it.. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? 4. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. Thats my wifes breast pump.. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . Reluctantly, he showed it to me. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? Soldier: Sure, buddy. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. The Lasting Supper Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. A drill serGENTLEMEN! We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. 39. St. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. Caller: Is Sgt. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. We were a tough group. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. This site contains affiliate links. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? What are you doing? I asked. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. Read more. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. It took the poor guy all day. 1. At least SEVEN Cs! My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! Anecdotes 2. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? Then one day I couldnt find it. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. 49. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. Aviation Humor. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. 66. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. They bagged six. Louis, I grumbled. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. 9. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. You divertyour course! Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. A PETTY officer! What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. We have one or two in here! We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. Yes, she said. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. Anecdotes 1. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? 40. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? But I had the last laugh. What do hungry Marines eat? Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. Where are you from? Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. with someone braver than you.'. More information More like this Flight Announcements 4. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. Caller: OK. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Because the Army needed heroes too. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. In-dough-structible Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. Soldier: No, SIR!. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc.