This can be emotionally wounding for her, and the man too if he has empathy. Our world is obsessed with sex and without understanding the unity of compassion, respect, close bonds after many years of being together. Thats crazy my husband is the one who is lacking in wanting orgasms, I still need them daily so I continue with out him, I am tired of all the good years I wasted on him waiting lol our kids are grown and gone I still love sex! she tolerates oral sex only minimally due to some sensitivity she can never explain. He already said she feels bad for him so she is aware of the problem. Oh stfu. She consulted with her doctor who recommended hormone treatment and her research on cancer had her rejecting that avenue. In this new gynocentric west, the only answer is to find non-western women or women who were not raised in the west. We are both quite healthy but she has little interesting sex now. Ive always had this feeling from the first of our marriage that he felt somewhat uncomfortable having sex but that it was permissible if we were trying to procreate, but never just for fun or enjoyment. I am desperate. Hello Hawkeye Nothing arouses it. Now its gotten where I cant get hard when Im with her, Im sure its mental causes. so I started to do it. Senior Planets comments are open for all readers/subscribers; we love hearing from you! Makes me feel worth lessnot worthless.worth. Once you've looked at yourself, talk to her and pay attention to how she's feeling. Lets separate then.NO! A womans lack of interest in physical intimacy can be quite an intriguing puzzle to solve. Its the only wu to turn this round. Be caring. She is 33. I feel for you for my wife always have said I will make you feel good but then dont try to do anything .. Were just a hole for your pole . I am a man who has been married for 48 years and to read The man must rule by demanding to get what he wants suggests a serious mental illness. What to do about it: Make sure your wife knows you see her as a sexy beingcompliment her often, give her simmering kisses and affectionate touch, and do these things without tying the gestures to requests for sex. Hello Overit, So, heres what I did. Gopa explains how having a partner who has severe trust issues can also be the reason why theres no intimacy in marriage from the wife. Im 69 and still active. I have a similar problem but my situation is somewhat different as I am not on a lot of meds, and I am not unhappy with my life as an individual, but with my husband well, yes I kind of am unhappy with that aspect of my life. Especially if you once had a, One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. Just get out Stan. There are ways to maintain physical intimacy while someone undergoes treatment for ED. Discuss it with her: Share this iMOM article with your wife and discuss it: 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood. So to many they think Im faking it. I feel very bitter about it and although there have been compensations in our marriage- children and now grandchildren I have found her lack of interest difficult to cope with. Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. But how does that viewpoint help you find happiness in life? Anyway, I simply want you to know that as many women as men are trapped in this sadness. But if its truly my duty.. That was almost 50 years ago, I dont live in he house with her. As far as the guy I liked, nothing ever came of it. At this stage, you may be right about getting help. // Replace PAGE_URL with your page's canonical URL variable I have suffered from sexual dysfunction ever since I started having sex at 15 back in the mid 1970s. Its not as rosy on our side of the fence, when you really look into it. My avocation has been fitness for over 50 years and I love the field. Theres nothing wrong with giving yourself sexual pleasure. But you cant fix a problem if you dont know the cause. 3. Yeah. It got to the point that he wanted sex badly and was about to lose his mind. Is this the same advice you would give a man that is in a sexless marriage? Bob, my wife is the same way, says she feels bad she has zero interest in sex, but doesnt offer anything like oral or HJ either. Hello Will, If you are tired of initiating intimacy and are concerned that my wife wont touch me sexually, youre not alone. Some doctors will prescribe testosterone and advise DHEA supplementation. I have tried to have a heartfelt conversation but he is not willing to talk about it. If you feel that my wife never initiates physical contact, you may be wondering if your marriage is doomed. Our finances have never been merged and the only money between us has been my initial investment in her business. Here is what the problem is when it comes to SEX. However, whenever one spousewithdraws from the other, there is always a risk of your marriage being almost over. Hes no longer a sexy looking man, doesnt care about trying to make himself better, I still fight to try to look really good, no matter how I feel. Isnt it such a shame that Bob here, says he masturbates 3x a week and Im sitting here daydreaming what it would feel like to have it again after years that my husband just cant. If thats the reason why your wife avoids intimacy, you have to drive home the importance of intimacy between a couple for a happy, healthy marriage. She knows this is a psychological problem and doesnt reflect how I feel about her. You should know the truth brother. Especially because . She had a hysterectomy years ago do to cancer concerns, about 5 years ago she had a stroke like episode but there where no signs of actual stroke damage and she had started botox/steroid therapy in her spinal column for pain issues so there is suspicion that caused it, but because of a possible stroke they wont give estrogen. They have cheated on us with themselves and their selfishness! The good news is: there are plenty of ways to banish problems in the bedroom and rekindle the fire with your wife. Best to all. Ya over 40 years with out not a problem. I am Married 47 years, I am 67 she is 70. Have you considered opening your relationship or swinging together? I havent found a way to replace that feeling of a man. Were communicating better but no changes to our sex life even though he has plenty of blue pills. Im too tired. So Mike, I dont know what to say. And LATINA. The man must rule by demanding to get what he wants. He is selfish, lazy and quite frankly a self absorbed narcissist. Therefore, building and maintaining an emotional rapport is extremely essential not just for a robust sex life but also for the overall health of the relationship. he is very persistent. If shes got a spouse who is extremely suspicious, shes not going to feel trusted or respected. 60s, 70s. My biggest problem is that my wife is very, very against porn and at my age I cannot attempt to relieve my tension without it as a point of focus. . Maybe I should start trying to ease my husband into this conversation because we have been having sex rarer and rarer these past few years. i feel for you my spouse stopped being interested in sex 20 years ago at my age 51,for many years we had some extrem arguments and are still having them,,, to no avail what do you do. She is a vegetarian and a purist in many ways, rejecting hormone therapy because of the published risks of breast cancer associated with hormone therapy, though small, my doctor stated. He decided hed have an affair. WFT. I dont even bother to talk to her (all she does is whine and complain). He expects lunch and dinner to be made for him every day, He drinks beer by the gallon and he gives nothing to this marriage. I honestly dont know what happens to men as they age. We lose ourselves. If your wife has recently lost interest in sex, it might be tied to her feelings about her body these days. You ever think about getting some on the side? Shes particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. I go where I want and do my own thing, theres no where are you going, screaming and name calling. Really? Look, we have all pretty much aged our of sexual adventurism but our minds refuse to accept it. There's nothing wrong with the lower-libido partnerthey simply just don't want sex as often as the other person. I would walk a mile in this mans shoes before I offer advice. Thank you, Harry. So now a hug one a day (maybe) and pecks on lips when leaving house. There are many types of intimacy, and they tend to dovetail. If men put in as much energy they put in sneaking around spending money on hookers and put all of his energy on his wife by taking 50% of the household chores and helping his wife out with the kids and having him spice up their sex lives you will see more action in the bedroom then before as long as you are sweet and loving towards her you will always get lucky. Youre saying I love her, etc etc and she couldnt care less? If divorce is not an option then get involved outside the home. I would be willing to bet the majority of men in our position have gone above and beyond to save our marriages, only to get a SELFISH wife to deny us to the point that we lose all our self esteem. I am in your same position but from the other side I am a 64 year old healthy, active man. To see my wife go direct to the Phone on the first morning home and second morning home was very upsetting. As I explained before on seniorplanet.org, spontaneous desire just happens, while responsive desire only happens after a womans body starts getting aroused. Husband even can not touch her, let alone touch to arouse her. Still, I was ready to jump back into things in the bedroom. with increased relationship satisfaction and heightened orgasm frequency in women. So sorry to read this Pamela, Im in the same boat with my lovely wife, terribly depressing. I told him I heard him doing that and I told him if he ever did that again I would divorce him. But, here we are with 13 grandchildren from the strong marriages of our 9 surviving children. She like others doesnt want intimacy or sex, which I could deal with for the most part but then she makes remarks about me masturbating or watching porn. A subtle way of saying I will date outside the marriage. We could be spontaneous. She doesnt like the image she sees in the mirror and that quells any sexual desire within. We are starting to fight a lot and twice I heard him on the phone throwing me under the bus to someone. Take care. Affection (hold hands, rub shoulders, tap butt, arm around shoulder, hugs, kisses, winks, that special look, etc), compliments, please, thank you, inside jokes, cheerleader, cleaning, cooking, repairs, child rearing, activities together, exercise together, etc will go a long way to leading to sex again. Perhaps, some counseling might even help. I watch the couples in my family and I saw the future. And perhaps. Brother, your story sounds exactly like mine. (That is very thoughtful, I do all those things because my wife is Special and I want her to be happy) I have always shared the housework and dont mean picking up my clothes yes I am defensive because women dont believe med do housework. Simply, and probably naively, the answer to your question is, NO, it is *not* my right, nor in any way acceptable. I do raise the issue with her from time to time. Most women, especially in our age group, only experience responsive desire. Most women are unforgiving and never say theyre sorry for the crap they pull, and stop providing or enjoying sex on that basis. But at this point I dont think her interest in sex will ever revive, so what would your advice be? And its been going that way for years. You may have become so engrossed in your work or friends that you just dont spend quality time with your wife. I read this with interest. You are absolutely right, foreplay is an ongoing and wonderful thing, but for most women, after menopause, and the estrogen dries up, sex becomes too painful because of the dryness. Hi Frustrated. Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. It is frustrating, but I would never give up our marriage over it. I fear I will never know physically intimacy again in this marriage, I keep holding out hope, which is why I stay. Weekly turned into Monthly then every 3 or 4 months question about sex. What to do about it: Address the ongoing conflicts in your relationship. It may also help to learn about different forms of desire discrepancy. Your wife may not know how to put up her mom hat for the day and refocus on herself, which includes enjoying every aspect of her marriage. Except she doesnt like hugging or cuddling either.