I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. 8. Henny Youngman, Go play golf. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. Lee Trevino, 59. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. Golf is more complicated than that. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Golfing is a lot like masturbation. Watch their eyes. Golf is the easiest game in the world. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. Their fore-fathers! But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. 3. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? Sir W.G. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. A hole in one of a kind model. Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". In case they get a hole-in-one! Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. They expect to succeed! Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? For true success, it matters what our goals are. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Required fields are marked *. With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. Damn, my shaft's all bent. I chipped in from the rough! Do you know what the Lama says? Its almost a law. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? 1. Keep your sense of humor. Nuts! I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. If you break 80, watch your business.". Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. Hit the ball. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. Drops him off at the golf course! 2. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". Wash your balls. "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! The guys who come You look like someone who likes to swing. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. I stepped on a rake.". I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. It can be rewarding. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? We have a threesome, care to join us? 5. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. So what are you waiting for? Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! had to choose, right ? How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. Andy. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? And that thought is: Dont think. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? 3. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. Noah who? I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. Eight. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? 2. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. They like cricket better. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. A dinner without wine. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. 1. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. I've got some good news. ~ Victor Hugo. My shaft is bent. 1. Nothing it should have ducked. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. Where is the best place to go on vacation? A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? Find the ball. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. I know what to look for. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? Please read here for more information. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. It bends a little to the left. 2. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Don't dirt your soul. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. Are you a water hazard? Nothing. Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. The Dalai Lama himself. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. Golf is very much like a love affair. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. You shot an eight. I give the ball some sweet talk. When is it too wet to play golf? Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? Sam Snead. Missed the ball and sank the divot. Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? Keep your head down. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Dirt your body. Lift your head and spread your legs. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. The lowest score wins. ", How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? I . 3. Which is the easiest golf stroke? When your golf cart capsizes. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. Jim Murray. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week.